The start of a new school year is often filled with excitement. New uniforms, fresh stationery and the promise of a fresh start can make it feel like an exciting milestone for children and parents alike. Beneath that excitement, many children are carrying worries they never speak about. Parents often assume that if something is wrong, their child will tell them. According to Thrive Wellbeing Centre’s clinicians, that’s one of the biggest misconceptions. From friendship struggles and academic pressure to anxiety, body image and fears of disappointing the people they love, many young people choose to carry these worries quietly.
Natalie Maaitah, Psychologist at Thrive Wellbeing Centre, says silence is rarely about a lack of trust. “Many children and teenagers carry worries, insecurities, and emotional struggles silently. Not because they do not trust their parents, but because they are deciding whether it feels safe to share.”
While many parents believe they’re creating opportunities for open conversations, children don’t always experience them the same way.” A parent’s willingness to have the conversation does not necessarily mean a child feels safe enough to join it.” Natalie says today’s young people are also growing up in a world of constant comparison.”Social media has become deeply intertwined with friendships, identity, and belonging. Children compare themselves academically, socially, and physically against carefully curated snapshots of other people’s lives.”
Ultimately, she believes the focus shouldn’t be on knowing everything.” The goal is not to know everything happening in a child’s life, but to ensure they know where to turn when something important does happen.” As children move into adolescence, the things they struggle to talk about often evolve too. Friendships, identity and early romantic interests become part of everyday life, yet many young people keep these experiences to themselves.
Valen Valentine, Psychologist at Thrive Wellbeing Centre, says this is particularly common when children fear how their parents might respond.”Most of the time the children are not engaging in inappropriate behaviour. They are trying to navigate normal social development while worrying about how their parents might react.”
Rather than defiance, she says secrecy is often rooted in fear.”Parents can interpret secrecy as defiance, but in reality, it is often driven by fear. Adolescents tell me they are less worried about getting into trouble than they are about disappointing their parents or damaging the trust within the relationship.”Instead of leading with direct questions, Valen encourages parents to focus on creating conversations that feel safe.”Children don’t need parents who have all the answers. They need parents who are willing to listen, stay curious, and create a home where even the uncomfortable conversations feel safe.”
For Dr. Enrica Verrengia, Psychiatrist at Thrive Wellbeing Centre, these conversations become even more important during adolescence, when many mental health conditions first emerge. “What young people don’t tell their parents is often far more important than what they are able to put into words.” She says many adolescents stay silent because they’re trying to protect the people around them. “More often, they stay silent because they feel ashamed, fear they are not good enough, worry about failing, disappointing the people they love or even frightening their parents with what they are going through.”
While emotional distress can sometimes be obvious, it is often hidden behind children who appear to be doing well. “When distress eventually becomes visible, it often appears suddenly. In reality, it is frequently the point at which long-hidden suffering finally finds a way to be seen.”
Dr. Sarah Rasmi, Founder and Psychologist at Thrive Wellbeing Centre, adds that the message for parents is a hopeful one. “Years of research, including my own, keep pointing to the same finding: the strength of the parent-child relationship is one of the most powerful protective factors we have. You can’t force a child to talk to you, but you can build the kind of relationship that makes talking possible. That work is quiet, ongoing, and it starts long before the moment they need to open up.”
As families prepare for the new school year ahead, Thrive’s clinicians hope parents remember that the most meaningful conversations don’t always begin with questions about homework or exam results. They begin by creating an environment where children know they can speak openly, without fear of judgement, and trust that they’ll be heard.
For additional information and resources, please visit www.thrive.ae
